What if I told you I got help....

Wow!  Spring has sprung and summer is upon us and I haven't written since January.  Admittedly, I hijacked a blog from 2009 and have had it in my "drafts" section of email and just found it this morning when looking for something else.  I find myself fairly consistent and still love it for the same reasons now as I did in 2009.  I hate I don't remember the blog I stole it from in order to give them credit.  


With the tragic death of another Kennedy in the news this week, it's had me thinking more and more about depression and genetics.  How painful must it have been for a mother of 4 to take her own life?  I wanted to share this excerpt from the blog.  


I think the main thing I take from it is.............

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  Extend grace.  We are all broken.  We are all struggling just to make it through each day.  Sometimes our battles aren't visible to the naked eye.  

Be kind.    

BLOG EXCERPT:

I’ve never seen anything like this before.

An overwhelming number of us have things locked deep down inside us that are ruling us. That are causing harm to us and to others. And we are paralyzed by shame and fear and guilt. We are silenced. Muted. For fear of rejection. For fear of losing our jobs. Our families. Our lives.

If anything has been made clear to me, it’s that we are bound by the chains of fear. We are enslaved to it. We are silenced by it.

• What if I told you I battle depression.
• What if I told you that I couldn’t get myself out of this darkness.
• What if I told you I got help.
• What if I told you my body needed supplements for my brain to work like it should.
• What if I told you that I’ve been seeing a therapist for months.
• What if I told you I just started group therapy. Yeah. Like the Bob Newhart/28 Days kind of group therapy.
• What if I told you I’ve been afraid to publicly admit this because I’m having a hard time facing these facts myself.
• What if I told you I’m winning the battle, with the help of my doctor and therapist.
• But, what if I told you that I’m coming out with it right now, in the hopes that you, too, will talk to someone.

Anonymous internet confessions only go so far. They give us a tiny taste of the freedom that we can know. But, there’s a hitch: nobody knows who you are, so technically you’re still hiding, right?

There’s one thing I’ve wanted to say over and over again: Say this out loud. Confess it to a safe person. To a person who can give you, or help you find, the help you need. It doesn’t have to stay this way. It doesn’t have to end this way. Talk to someone.

James words have echoed through my mind over the past two days: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

Please get that healing we so desperately need. For the sake of your soul. And for the sake of your loved ones. 

The Januaries

Lately all I can think about is death.  Maybe I have what a friend of mine calls the "Januaries" -- a let down after the hype of Christmas.    


While cleaning out my parents closets and drawers this past week, I had visions of doing it years down the road with tears streaming down my face just as I did in my Grandparents house.  Some would say, it's the cycle of life.  New miracles of sweet babies are born daily while death takes loved ones into His Kingdom at the same time.  No one ever said that was easy though.  


I have heard and read about several tragedies over the holiday season.  Kathy Porter was 54 years old as she set out to spend a fun New Years Eve at the Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl in downtown Atlanta with her husband (longtime Atlanta Braves trainer), 19 years old son and his friend.  http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/witness-gives-account-of-1283677.html  I can't imagine any of them ever dreamed their night would end so tragically and that 2012 would begin with one less family member.  


The 2nd tragedy occurred right before Christmas and claimed a family of 4.  Kelly Butler was a close friend of Kelley Royals that I went to high school with.  I have followed the tragedy through her FB.  Tragically, there are 3 little boys who were not on the plane who now have to cope and try to understand why 5 of their family members are no longer alive.  

http://mcdonough.11alive.com/news/news/95067-henry-stockbridge-family-killed-small-plane-crash


Not too long ago I decided I needed to be proactive and have a Will and Health Care Directive drawn up.  I never dreamed it would be so difficult!  I like to think of myself as a non-materialistic person not drawn in by cars, money, jewelry and things of that nature.  Some might argue with that self-assessment though :)  However, my "stuff" is important to me and somehow I like to think that it would be important to others when something happens to me.  


As I packed up Christmas, I delicately wrapped each and every Bloomingdales ornament my parents gave me over the past several years.  I found myself thinking, if I died tomorrow, would anyone even know that these are my absolute favorite ornaments on my tree?  Would anyone know that the Santa Claus red and green candle holder was the last Christmas related gift my Nannie gave me before she was sick and that I walk by it everyday in December and touch it daily?


Even as I type this, I look up to the bookshelves in my office and I see the following:  


* My green glitter frog that April gave me in December as a pick me up while I was going through my awful AMI trial to lift my spirits.  I keep him out year round because he makes me smile.
* Photo of the Georgia Department of Agriculture old Milk Wagon that I rode in throwing cartons of milk out around the town square in Forsyth with my Granddaddy.  
* Chat Chat painted art that Margaret painted for me.
* Handprint Framed that Ellis gave me. (Just last month she was in my office and said, awww you kept it! I love you!)
* Story People Framed Art from Suni -- "You're the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time."
* 3D Collage Hall created in 2005
* Framed picture of Amy Gatlin, Kim Byrd and me from many Decembers ago.  
* Too many books to name signed by mom Mom and Nannie given to me over the years.
*Jar of matchbook covers from all the restaurants I've been to in NYC over the years.

I stopped and turned on my ipad and listened to The Best Day by Taylor Swift which most of you think is the cheesiest artist on the planet.  What you don't know is that song is my favorite melancholy song that reminds me of my Mom.  I could listen to it over and over and over and smile and cry.  

Then, the strangest thing happened.  I opened a State Farm envelope about my home owners insurance and a story about house fires was enclosed.  I almost had an anxiety attack picturing myself running around trying to grab things if my house caught on fire and that's when I had to stop and realize....they are "things".  While sentimental they may be to me, they are things, not life.  


I refuse to make a New Year's Resolution.  It is setting myself up for failure.  I can, however, reassess and start the year anew.  I can treasure each friend more, each family member more, each day, each hour, each minute, each second......because our reality is we don't know how much time we have left on this earth.   


Grab a hold of life and your loved ones and squeeze with all your might!