Now sadness feels so different when it sinks in. I feel a bit anxious when I feel even a tinge of it because I worry that I may relapse into the deep hole I found myself in months ago. I know it's normal to experience bouts of melancholy but when you've spent days locked behind doors in a hospital, there is a hypersensitivity to ensuring it never happens again.
I found out today that my childhood best friend's Mom passed away. I found myself staring at my computer screen and overwhelmed with complete and utter sadness. And for once, I didn't want to fight it. I wasn't scared of the sadness. I didn't even worry that it would lead to a bump in the road of recovery. Instead, I just wanted to sit, stare, cry, remember, be grateful for my idyllic childhood with my friend and just be. Perhaps I was onto something at age 15 listening to Every Rose Has Its Thorn and crying along with Bret. I acknowledged my feelings. I think I'll try that tonight. It's okay to be sad sometimes. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
