Ass-U-Me

I think I have mentioned The Four Agreements http://www.amazon.com/The-Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal/dp/1878424319 on my blog before.  It is a book published in 1997 and has sold 5.2 million copies.  I'm still in the midst of reading the book; however, I've had to skip forward to the 3rd agreement which is, Don't Make Assumptions.  God sometimes has a different plan than I do.  I personally like to go 1234 instead of 1324.  I'm making adjustments and life changes and realizing that everything in life isn't ABCD and 1234.     

After you read what #3 is all about, I think you will see that we are all guilty in some form or fashion of assumptions.  The key is figuring out how to break them.  When we assume, we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling.  Don Ruiz also says, "We make the assumption that everybody judges us, abuses us, victimizes us, and blames us the way we do ourselves."  It's almost equivalent in my mind to a compulsive liar.  He or she truly believes that lie.  With assumptions, we believe they are the truth as well.  The next paragraph I read aloud this morning in therapy is life changing for me.          

All of the sadness and drama you have in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Once we do these two things, we start gossiping about our assumptions. Because we are often fearful of asking for clarification, we make assumptions, and then believe that we are correct in these assumptions. Then, we defend these assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions for clarification because assumptions set us up for suffering.

If I or we all take a step back for a moment and think of any altercation, argument or misunderstanding we have had in the last year, chances are high it involved making assumptions.  We over think things when the reality is we have zero idea what the other person is thinking.  In the arena of being transparent, one of my assumptions lately is a photo of people.  I took that photo and made an illustrious story in my mind of not being liked, they think I'm crazy, they don't want me around, they don't have time for me and I could go on and on.  My point in sharing this is I know I'm not alone.  I heard several stories this week in group with similar scenarios.  It really doesn't have to anything to do with being mentally ill, we all are guilty.  Perhaps my illness exacerbates my assumption level.  

I'm making strides!  I'm trying my best to communicate effectively, ask for clarification and address situations to avoid misunderstandings because you know what they say......