I could write for days.....

Never did you leave Ralph Gatlin's company without feeling ministered to, better about yourself, better about life and better about the state of the world in general.  I could write for days.  Below is a list of 21 things he was to me for the 21 years he was physically in my life along with 3 poems he wrote I will forever cherish.    

1. he is a man who loved Joy, Kim and me as if we were his own
2. he is rhyme after rhyme typed in precise fashion
3. he is a Wham! song on a warm summer day
4. he is a going around curves on a long mountain road
5. he is the man you call at all hours of the night and who will come no matter what
6. he is a man with a poem to be quipped at any occasion
7. he is stern yet fair
8. he is a sun tan on a sandy beach in Florida
9. he is "girls, quiet down!"
10. he is a loaner of money never asking for anything in return
11. he is the finest Christian man I know
12. he is benevolent to all
13. he is a pillar of his family
14. he is strength in silence, perspective in words
15. he is a man with no regrets
16. he is "boy, that Kim is really loud"  
17. he is "Priss" in a stern voice, with a gigantic hug of love to follow
18. he is a lifelong friend to my parents 
19. he is a video camera taping crazy girls dance to Whitney Houston
20. he is the serenity and spirituality of the mountains and the beach all wrapped in one
21. he is with the man he served his entire life

As he said to us girls so many times, I say to him today, "you done good."

I love you so Mr. Gatlin.  Nat
  

My to do list changed

I'm a suicide survivor.
My to do list used to consist of a few random mundane daily tasks

• feed the kitties
• check emails

My daily to do list revised quickly 2 years ago.

• save my life

It's easy to get lost in the sea of emails, phone calls, texts.  As a survivor, there is always that lingering word of recovery.  Recovery means a new way of life, less friends, less drinking, weekly appointments, daily pills, side effects, weight gain, new boundaries and a hypersensitivity to mental illness stigma. 

Conversely, it also means hope, faith, grace, love, patience, kindness, clarity, strength, understanding and serenity.  

I write this today as a reality check for us all. 
We live in our own bubble.  
It is Tuesday.  Only day 2 of the week yet already I have had a friend admitted into Peachford and a text telling me of a suicide of a husband and father.  

People, it's complicated yet at the same time so simple.
A brain can get sick.  
You may have the flu, I have mental illness.  We both are sick.  

The American Psychiatric Association Foundation has a Campaign to Change Direction hoping to change the way America addresses mental health issues.  
With 1 in every 4-5 people having a diagnosable mental health condition, we should all make it a point to "know the five signs."  

1. Personality Change          4. Poor Self-Care

2. Agitation                           5. Hopelessness
3. Withdrawal 

I don't have all the answers but I do know that reaching out to someone could be the exact hope, answer, kindness they need.  

I've been thinking....

I went to Peachford today.
I saw another ambulance bringing a sick hurting soul for treatment.  
I believe God placed me with my Dr. to return to the hospital for me to look at those double doors and see how far I've come.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about two words
1.  Grace
2.  Positivity

I've discussed both in therapy the past few weeks and am working feverishly to extend grace to all people I encounter on a daily basis.  I'm also working to sprinkle in positivity like it is celebratory glitter every day on my desk.  I do have some people in my life wanting to focus on the one "B" I made instead of the 4 "A's".  It is up to me whether I let them make me feel less than.  

You change the thought.
You change the mind.  

"Think" about that this week.....