Thursday, November 13, 2014

Sports Illustrated Crying Session

I went to my weekly therapy appointment this morning, had a great session, grabbed some soup to combat the cold, sat down at my desk and began to scroll through twitter to catch up on the tabloids, Auburn hate week, Ferguson drama and any other tidbits I found interesting before digging into work emails.  My husband thanks God daily that he is married to a rare female entity who is obsessed with college football.  Hence, the reason I follow Sports Illustrated.  I was drawn to these two tweets.  I remembered in the back of my mind that Ryan had been dating one of the Bachelor contestants making her suicide headlines for many tabloids.    

http://www.si.com/nba/2014/11/13/ryan-anderson-gia-allemand

For journalists writing about suicide, strongly recommend visiting the AFSP media site: . So many misconceptions


Love, Loss & Survival: Ryan Anderson tries to move forward after his girlfriend's suicide

Honestly, I don't know that I have any tears left after reading this article.  I hope you will all take 5 minutes to read his courageous story.  I try not to take myself back to that dark place ever but when I read a compelling story like Gia's, I see myself and I remind myself how important it is to try to save others.  If you don't have time to read the article, at least read the excerpt below.  I am also bullet pointing what I feel are staggering statistics about suicide.     




I had no idea. It’s a phrase you hear often after a suicide. He seemed happy. She seemed fine. There were literally NO red flags. Rarely if ever is this true. There are almost always warning signs. Research shows that 90% of people who die by suicide suffer from mental disorders or substance abuse. In most cases the condition is untreated. “People are really good at cloaking it, so to a certain percentage of people [suicide] does seem out of the blue,” says Christine Moutier, M.D., chief medical officer for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “But that’s partly because they don’t know what to look for, and partly because mental health problems are so stigmatized that we don’t let on what’s going on inside.”



  • In 2011, 39,518 suicide deaths were reported in the US making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. That year, someone in the U.S. died by suicide every 13.3 minutes.
  • In 2012, 40,600 suicides were reported, making suicide the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. In that year, someone in the country died by suicide every 12.9 minutes.
  • At least 90 percent of all people who died by suicide were suffering from a mental illness at the time, most often depression.
  • Among people who die by suicide, depression is more common than any other other disorder. Therefore, efforts to educate primary care providers about the diagnosis and treatment of depression are especially important. Research has shown that certain symptoms in the context of  depression raise the risk of suicide. These include intense anxiety, panic attacks, desperation, hopelessness, feeling that one is a burden, loss of interest and pleasure, and delusional thinking.
  • In all age groups in the U.S., about 75 to 80 percent of people who die by suicide are male. However, females account for about 75 percent of all non-fatal suicide attempts. 
  • Suicides are not more frequent around December holidays. In fact, suicide rates tend to be highest in the spring months, peaking in April, and are below average during the winter months, with the lowest rate in December.

It's not hard to find things to be grateful about this Thanksgiving.  Grateful to be alive, grateful for my caring family, husband and for all the friends who have endured the peaks and valleys and continue to learn about my illness.  I may not always call, write, text back in a timely manner, but...I'm grateful for you more than you know.  







Monday, November 3, 2014

A mental diet

I had full intentions all day to blog about what I thought was a fairly creative title, "I'm losing mental weight but gaining it physically."  I planned on telling everyone how fabulous it is to toss baggage out the window left and right at therapy and group and how much lighter my mind felt and the hell with medicinal weight gain.  But honestly, I'm not there right now.  It's been a weepy afternoon.  It's not one particular thing that makes me sad today.  That's what people don't understand about depression.  I saw this on twitter tonight and Bingo!  Celeb Wayne Brady said, 

"Some days, you don't want to move, you can't move in the darkness," he said of his lowest points. "You're like, 'You know what, I'm just gonna sit right here, and I'm gonna wallow in this. And as much as it hurts, I'm just gonna sit right here, because this is what I deserve. Because I am that horrible of a person.'"

 I listened last week to a girl with a Masters in Counseling say, "I finally know how pure joy feels and I'm so afraid I'll never feel it again."  At the same time, I listened to an older bipolar woman lament about not knowing the difference between being manic and genuinely happy.  Gosh, how do you begin to break that all down and fix it?  It's no wonder people don't understand mental illness.  It's hard for those of us who carry the illness on our backs daily to decipher the highs and lows.  I also listened last week to a woman say, "I will not take another pill.  I will do whatever I have to do to fight this."  It is for heroes like her that I continue to go to support groups and fight for mental illness.  We fight together and merge our strengths, our sadness, our sleeplessness, our happiness, our knowledge, our battles and our courage.  There are those of us who refuse to let the disease beat us and it's inspiring to be among these men and women weekly.         

So, in regard to the mental and physical weight.  I've realized during my recovery that I have two choices, 1. Mire in my life pre March and be overweight with sadness and risk my life, OR 2.  Continue to toss the mental baggage out the window and let my body lose weight when I'm ready.  Clearly, option 2 is the route I am taking.  And to my sweet husband, thank you for truly loving me for who I am...mentally AND physically.