Life is a flight

Sometimes I think of life as a flight, possibly because I’m on and off a plane every month.  

With each layover, people board.  Some of these people are friends, some are strangers, some are strangers who are soon to be friends.  

Some people deplane and walk down the gateway to walk a different gate for a connection.  

Others stay on the flight and head to the next destination with me.  

During these flights, there are delays, early arrivals and cancellations.  

Life is a lot like that.  Friendships are a lot like that as well.  People arrive in our lives when we least expect them to and they exit the same way.  

A couple of years ago, Dusty Takle came flying into my life and is one of those souls who will ride first class or in the back of the bus all the way to China with you.  Trust me, those are rarities in the travel arena.  The beauty of Dusty is I woke up this morning not knowing it was her birthday.  She’s not a high maintenance friend who “expects” things.  In fact, I go weeks without talking to her, yet I know she is there if I need her.  She just “gets it” and reads humans unlike any person I’ve ever known.  She reads people, signs and circumstances and she answers them magically.  I needed a Dusty in my life in 2012 when I met her to let me know that human magic exists.  I often describe her as my friend that makes me know that loving God can be fun.    

Today Dusty turned 40.  I woke up to a text from another friend who said, "Dusty’s post made me cry.  Good cry.”  I read her post just now and no surprise, I’m crying.  I committed to blog when I feel led or compelled or when I think I can help others with my story.  I personally think every Dusty post is a lesson for us in some form or fashion so I hope you will all read her blog entries.  

Here is a link to her post today and below are my favorites from her, “So this is 40.”

Happy Birthday Dusty!  I may rarely see you, but I know you are there flying around me at all times.  

So This Is 40

1. Don’t put too much weight into a present emotion. Because, you never know how you’re going to feel tomorrow.

8. God is not up there, out there somewhere. He is within me. 

11. It’s okay to simply say, “that’s not going to work for me” without giving further explanation.

13. Gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation, and praise are the keys to EVERYTHING.

14. Pain doesn’t last.

16. Whatever I focus on will expand – whether positive or negative. 

19. Never, ever give up on people.

20. Even when you become frustrated with where someone is in his or her life, don’t stop being their friend. They will get through that rough place. Love them through it instead of pulling back. 

21. When you know you’re wrong, own it. 

22. Say thank you as often as possible. 

23. Chill when life gets interrupted. Accept it. It happens. 

24. Dreading makes everything worse. Don’t dread what you know you already have to do. 

25. If you see a need, and it’s within your means to meet that need, do it. 

26. Give, give, give.

35. Don’t sit alone when you’re down. As hard as it is, call someone. Go be with someone you trust. Just don’t be alone.

36. Whenever you think something good is going to come from telling someone exactly what you think or “finally giving them the what for,” please know, nothing good will EVER come from that. Ever.

37. Don’t close the door to new friendships. 

38. It’s none of my business what other people think of me.

Ass-U-Me

I think I have mentioned The Four Agreements http://www.amazon.com/The-Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal/dp/1878424319 on my blog before.  It is a book published in 1997 and has sold 5.2 million copies.  I'm still in the midst of reading the book; however, I've had to skip forward to the 3rd agreement which is, Don't Make Assumptions.  God sometimes has a different plan than I do.  I personally like to go 1234 instead of 1324.  I'm making adjustments and life changes and realizing that everything in life isn't ABCD and 1234.     

After you read what #3 is all about, I think you will see that we are all guilty in some form or fashion of assumptions.  The key is figuring out how to break them.  When we assume, we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling.  Don Ruiz also says, "We make the assumption that everybody judges us, abuses us, victimizes us, and blames us the way we do ourselves."  It's almost equivalent in my mind to a compulsive liar.  He or she truly believes that lie.  With assumptions, we believe they are the truth as well.  The next paragraph I read aloud this morning in therapy is life changing for me.          

All of the sadness and drama you have in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Once we do these two things, we start gossiping about our assumptions. Because we are often fearful of asking for clarification, we make assumptions, and then believe that we are correct in these assumptions. Then, we defend these assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions for clarification because assumptions set us up for suffering.

If I or we all take a step back for a moment and think of any altercation, argument or misunderstanding we have had in the last year, chances are high it involved making assumptions.  We over think things when the reality is we have zero idea what the other person is thinking.  In the arena of being transparent, one of my assumptions lately is a photo of people.  I took that photo and made an illustrious story in my mind of not being liked, they think I'm crazy, they don't want me around, they don't have time for me and I could go on and on.  My point in sharing this is I know I'm not alone.  I heard several stories this week in group with similar scenarios.  It really doesn't have to anything to do with being mentally ill, we all are guilty.  Perhaps my illness exacerbates my assumption level.  

I'm making strides!  I'm trying my best to communicate effectively, ask for clarification and address situations to avoid misunderstandings because you know what they say......  

Every 13.3 minutes, there is another Robin Williams

September was Suicide Prevention Month.  The beginning of October pushed me to feel compelled to share another part of my story.  The battle continues for us all.  Every 13.3 minutes, there is another Robin Williams.  We must not judge from the outside when we know nothing about the inside.  We must all continue to fight the stigma surrounding mental illness and help others feel they can not only ask for help but also receive adequate help. 

  

A day in March....

I remember logging into my Psychiatrist’s practice website to check my appointment status and staring frozen at the words “condition” and “began”. 

How did I get here?  How did my condition become clinical/major depression?  How did I receive a beginning date of 11/1/2001 when I don’t even remember how this even all began?  In a warped way, it was the beginning of solace.  The beginning of understanding all of the sleepless nights, the racing thoughts, the hiding of my sadness, guilt, self loathing, forgetfulness, weight gain and low energy.  Many of my friends and family still struggle with the words, “how could I not have known?”  Honestly, after months of examining myself, I don’t know that I saw the freight train coming either. 

Although I chose to personally disclose my mental illness, I still see myself concerned about others perceptions about me, which in turn, has created anxiety.  This is something I have never struggled with before.  My recovery has had peaks and valleys and honestly has been uncomfortable at times.  Self-examination isn’t fun.  I am at times at war with myself.  Personal disclosure was important for me but at the same time, it still causes frustration in the overall explanation of mental illness and depression.  How can I explain to others what I don’t even understand at times?

I remember saying to my Doctor, “I have no reason to be unhappy.  I love my husband.  He loves me.  I’m a newlywed.  We have a new house.  My parents love me.  I have wonderful friends.  I have a job I truly love.  I am so blessed.”  As I was saying all of those things, there weren’t enough tissues in his office to wipe my tears. 

Are you me? 

Do you have a friend that you think is me? 

Please ask for help.  It’s okay to count your blessings if you are me, but it’s also okay not to hide your sadness.  There is help available.  There is recovery.  There is hope.  I am hope.    

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.