There are still days I don't want to face the world, return an email, a call, a text, go to an appointment, get out of bed. However, there are so many more days now that I truly cherish and am so overwhelmed with happiness that it feels like I can beat this depression. That happiness comes from my husband and from friends and the laughter we share with one another, it comes from family members and their unconditional love for me. It comes from having a relationship with God and relying on devotions and scripture to lift me. I love when friends and family are able to penetrate the barrier of insecurities that depression creates, allowing me to feel love again. Those are the days that make life worth living and that keep me fighting.
I fight the battle in my own brain daily. Some days I feel like I am winning and some I feel like the disease wants me to lose. Especially when I see others lose their own battles. When someone takes their life, it is tragic in so many realms. On a personal level for me, it is terrifying! Because if someone like that - someone spiritual, talented, beloved, seemingly with everything to live for - if someone like that loses their fight, do people like me have hope? The answer is yes. Hope is letting every one who is struggling know they are not alone. Hope is knowing there is help to be had. Hope is understanding. Hope is compassion. Hope is happiness. There is hope. I am hope.
Tomorrow night, I will go to show others there is hope. I will go to my support group meeting to lift others who are hurting at the recent loss of their dear friend, father, husband, mentor and minister to this dreadful disease. As hard as it is to walk through that door sometimes, others have done it for me when I have needed lifting week after week. In closing, time and again I am reminded how important it is to share my story. I received this message after going to my hometown to a visitation at the funeral home. The old adage always rings true, be kind people, for you never know the battle people are fighting within. Show up, be present for people. You may be all the difference they need that very day.
