I haven't written a lot lately which is never a good sign.
I explored why this morning and I think it's mainly because I feel like I will come across as one big giant complaint and I truly try not to be negative Natalie. The beauty of this is they make a DBSA support group and they are more than happy to listen to my everything. In summary, I'm struggling with managing my mental illness combined with my physical illness -- both of which don't have blood tests to determine how well I am doing in each arena. One day up, one day down and I feel that no one understands either plight. This led me to thinking about the overall stigma and misunderstanding of mental illness in America. The first tweet I saw this morning was one of Glenn Close discussing mental illness. Her video was so powerful.
"one in four people will be touched by mental illness "and yet it's criminally underfunded and ignored."
When we all take on the same mantra as Glenn Close and her Bring Change 2 Mind campaign and start sharing things such as having depression is FACT, not feeling, perhaps then people will become more understanding and compassionate to mental illness. I have often said, "you can't heal what you don't feel." Owning and admitting my illness is one of the bravest things I have done in my life.
I struggle to explain depression to people. This is really hard for me but I'm going to give some examples of racing thoughts I used to think while laying in bed. I do this simply for someone who may be living with a person with mental illness to hopefully understand your loved one more. I also do this for someone undiagnosed to know you are not alone and there is hope and help. It is working. I have people reaching out to me weekly.
My former racing thoughts....
Why do you think you would get invited to that party? No one likes you and they can't relate to you anyway because you don't have kids like they do and you don't want them so they think you hate their kids. Why are you wearing that outfit that makes you look bigger than you even are? Why are you even attempting to tell a story when you can't remember half of it because we all know your memory sucks? You are not smart at all with numbers and soon everyone will know that and you will lose your job. Why would you get out of bed today when you have zero to be happy about? Get out of bed so you can fake your way through the day like you always do. No one has time for you so quit thinking they do. She didn't reply to your text because you are not important to her. She didn't show up for your get together because she doesn't want to be around you. Just stop trying all of these different meds, they don't work and never will, this is who you are, a crazy person.
I sit here with twofold tears. Happy tears because I am standing vertical today and in recovery. Sad tears because there are so many suffering in silence, undiagnosed and feeling hopeless. My story is not unique. There are close to 16 million people suffering with this debilitating illness. I am unique in my recovery because I have chosen not to suffer in silence and I have an amazing Psychiatrist who found the perfect combo of drugs for me, an amazing therapist, an amazing supportive husband and amazing friends and family who have chose to stand by me even when isolation and sleep were my only escape.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
It is a month to consciously make an effort to try to walk in someone else's shoes.
Just because someone is smiling doesn't mean he or she isn't battling depression.
Just because someone weighs a healthy 120 doesn't mean he or she isn't battling an eating disorder.
Just because someone acts confident doesn't mean he or she isn't taking medication to put their anxiety disorder at bay.
Not all pain is physical and not all wounds are visible.
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