When I was a little girl and climbed up on the table at Dr. Grady Black's office to receive my yearly shots, I remember the fear. Yet, I also remember the trust. The trust that he was always going to make me feel better. And, he did. We are taught to trust figures of authority -- Doctors, Pastors, Teachers, Administration and still to this day, I put my trust in my Doctor.
I'm having a rainy day inside. It's time to exercise the coping skills I've been taught and blogging is at the top of the list. In writing things out, I am focusing on the top 2 things my Doctor said to me last week when leaving his office.
1. Live in the now.
2. We cannot control others actions.
Simplistic words, yet truly powerful when we put them to practice. When past actions come calling, stay in the present. Do not think about what has happened before or what might happen. Be in control and not fearful of the past. The past can serve as a learning experience as long as it doesn't limit our future.
Today I am full of frustration.
Frustrated for the rooms not painted, frustrated for the curtains not hung, frustrated for an empty dining room, frustrated for an unused front room, frustrated for the half clean garage.....clearly, I have let frustration rule my beautiful day. My first day alone in weeks and I framed it with frustration.
I had to stop, breathe and assess my coping skills. We had to develop a list of coping skills in therapy. These evolve as life evolves. One of mine includes a note I found in my phone from March 3rd. What is scary about this note is that I don't even remember typing it. Note, I have removed the drug name. Drug names are not discussed in group therapy so I have chosen to take that stance as well. We are all different chemically and what works for some may not work for others. It's easy to get bogged down in thinking that Drug x didn't work for her so it won't for me either.
This note is a coping skill because it affords me the knowledge of just how far I've come from the dark place I was in a month ago. Step 4 of the below guide is imperative for me on days like today. Baby steps! I just listed my 5 things to do before bed tonight for a positive change.
As Scarlett said, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."
I've already gone crazy. Not interested in going back there. For now, I'll just chow down on this pizza with these cute kitties, watch an episode of Y&R and know that tomorrow is a brand new day full of hope.
