Question: You've mentioned several times about not spending so much time on technology/social media. How do you do it? How do you break away? What did you learn at "The Peach" or since then about how to "unplug" and what the consequences are when you don't?
How do I do it?
I leave my phone in the bathroom plugged in every night when I go to bed. That way I can hear it if I get an emergency call. I've started going to bed a lot earlier than I used to so I am essentially "unplugging" some nights as early as 9:00-9:30 pm to get in bed and watch TV. I don't really allow myself the luxury of the phone in bed with me. I do keep my iPad on some nights to read articles, scroll through twitter and play a nutty game or two. Sleep is imperative for me. Lack of = trigger.
How do you break away?
It is a conscious daily effort on my part. It is also out of respect for who I am with. It annoys me at times but JT is pretty dang accurate when he says, "Be with me/us." He says that when I or someone else is on their phone for an extended period of time at the table, etc. Honestly, it is rude and it is essentially saying I'm much more interested in this than I am anything you have to say. It actually feels good to leave my phone in my purse at the dinner table so I am not feeling so "ADD" looking at it, my food, my drink and trying to talk. For someone with kids, my advice is to key in a specific ring tone for their texts and calls so you know it is them and not something else that may not require your immediate attention. Take FB off of your phone. Only log in to FB on your actual computer. Is your life really affected by not knowing that "x" went to Cross fit this morning and that "y" is seeing the beach sunset this evening? Taking a sabbatical made me realize just how much I was on it -- at a red light, in the bathtub, at the Doctor's office, anytime I had a free moment. Take a piece of paper with you throughout the day and make a tick mark every time you pick up your phone to check it. You will be amazed! I'm loving my support groups because for 2 hours I don't have a phone because it isn't allowed. Such a nice diversion to actually be in a place where you HAVE to focus on the people talking without a phone distraction.
What are the consequences when I don't?
Work/Life balance is imperative for me. I still struggle with it daily. I happen to have bosses in a different time zone paired with China's time difference and it can be disastrous for me in working late. I am still trying to master it all. I'm not perfect. I'm not saying I never pick up my cell phone. I am saying I am trying to make a conscious effort to not feel so "connected" to it so I am tuned in to other things and people. I do know it helps my marriage and spending quality time with 2 of us and not having that 3rd and 4th person interrupting.
I'll end on an extremely personal note to explain why we don't rely on texts as our primary means of communication any longer.
On the morning of March 7th while sitting in the parking lot of Cumberland Psychiatric crying my eyes out, I texted JT and said, "Adele (my therapist at the time) doesn't think I need to go to California on Sunday." His reply, "We have to work." We were both "lost in translation." Had we spoken on the phone he would have heard that I was crying and perhaps I could have explained the crisis I was in at the time. His reply to me was accurate. We both have to work and don't have the luxury of just saying, hmmm I don't really want to fly to California and meet with this buyer today. He had no idea at all the state of mind I was in and in all fairness, wouldn't have because my texts weren't showing emotion at all. That night, I was laying in the ER at North Fulton Regional.
In summary, I'm not saying I don't text or use my phone a lot. I do it daily. I just know I've gotten my baby feelings hurt in the past over lack of replies from friends, the trite response of "k", a misconstrued tone, a sarcastic joke. I'm improving in this arena by leaps and bounds. It is a challenge but I'm up to the task.
I've fought worse battles and won. xo, n
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